Attention!

Argh, I seem to be a completely contradictory person, but I just can’t stand it! Attention, that is. Sometimes I crave it, I’m as much of an attention whore (albeit a subtler one) as Ms Mac accuses our Drama class of collectively being. But too much attention just drives me crazy, and I don’t really understand why. The constant dogging, the well-meaning(?) solicitude, yes I’m mainly referring to parents here... I hate it because it makes me feel obligated to give back in some way, when sometimes I just want to be left to my own devices. And by sometimes, I mean a lot of the time. And I guess it makes me feel guilty because they have no idea, and then sometimes I find myself thinking that they know exactly what they’re doing, but they know they can get away with it and still look like well-meaning individuals and... aaaah, raaaaant. But too much attention is worse than too little, because it makes me feel guilty as well as frustrated and trapped. Am I oversensitive? Perhaps, but maybe it’s just extremes that I hate. Isn’t that fair enough?

On a completely different note, yesterday I was reflecting upon how we’ve all changed since year 7. And I was really amazed to realise how much some people have matured, over the years. Some have become less judgmental, some are more cooperative and/or less oversensitive, some are just generally nicer to people. There were a lot of people I knew back in years 7 and 8, a lot of things that happened, a lot of attitudes that I didn’t like. And all of those things have changed so very much. Alongside myself, my actions and my attitudes, no doubt, although I’m not able to evaluate my persona with the same level of objectivity. I find it a bit disconcerting that I’m able to make such observations about my fellow classmates, I thought only mentors, parents and older siblings were capable of/prone to doing that. Still, it’s nice to see how our grade has panned out, so to speak.